How to Have Lesbian Gender The Very First Time | Autostraddle

How do you have lesbian intercourse? We have asked this concern continuously from lesbians of any age thatn’t had lesbian gender and tend to be stressed they don’t really understand “how.” Really, tune in: taking pleasure in intercourse actually about memorizing 16 opportunities or knowing the most readily useful direction to screw from, enjoying lesbian sex is half-animal half-heart and simply seldom features it had gotten anything to do with your rational head, or intellectual reasoning, or something someone could reveal or what you could keep reading websites.

And while it really is true that 1 day you’ll be self assured and seasoned than you are now, it’s also true that your system came into this world knowing how to possess sex enjoy it was born knowing how to consume. The first time does not have getting an issue, some people do not actually keep in mind all of our basic occasions. Alternately, if you like that it is a big deal, it can be. But finally every lover is significantly diffent — completely, entirely, entirely different — from subsequent.
So what could we tell you, truly

Nonetheless — on top of that, a lot of us remember a period of time when lesbian sex decided fumbling, or improv, wanting to perform an activity we did not comprehend, like badminton. Or a sport everyone else believed you should be proficient at but we weren’t. Meanwhile, others recall jumping into bed and instinctually being aware what to accomplish as soon as of entryway. Many of us had sex with boys in our kids and did not bang a lady ’til our very own mid-to-late-twenties, and decided rookies all over again. Therefore we can understand how you could feel a tiny bit better-knowing a little before you take the leap.

Ladies sex, aside from queer sex, is usually overlooked by sex ed programs. Even though lots of heteros discover sex with each other in their very early kids, many lesbians you should not start that early and/or are not fellow socialized in to the sexual market like straights are, and additionally which our entire news society is organized about and obsessed with heterosexual sex.

So we’re gonna go back to requirements. But even as we write this post, the audience is slightly concerned that individuals haven’t any fucking concept what we’re writing on. Develop to open up a dialogue for

commenters to fairly share their stories and encounters and also for everyone to ask questions!


This blog post (originally printed in 2010 and largely unaltered from the period) centers around lesbian sex between cisgender women, although can be mainly appropriate to intercourse between any two different people with vulvas, and high in fantastic advice about anyone having sexual intercourse with someone who has a vulva. The vocabulary in this post, unlike many the gender content, reflects that mostly for SEO functions. However, trans ladies are ladies and the majority of undoubtedly have lesbian gender, and you may review some of the a lot of recommendations on that in these posts:
Simple Tips To Have Lesbian Gender With A Trans Woman
F*cking Trans ladies
Harnesses for Trans Females

Pre-Game Your Lesbian Intercourse


When you yourself have a vulva therefore wanna learn how to make people with a vulva feel well, you’ve got the advantageous asset of using your self for an examination topic — not too exactly what pleases you certainly will please your spouse, but it’s a start. Most likely your showerhead are aware of this since childhood, in case you are fresh to masturbation or not used to orgasming, here’s
how exactly to masturbate like a champ.
While you are at it,
discover how-to purchase a vibrator

Getting a seasoned masturbator will help you to be a fruitful enthusiast more than anything else you could ever perform, previously. Not only will you discover how your lover can please you, however you will possess some thought of just how to kindly them.


Touching your self with your jeans and lingerie on (you can unzip your denim jeans, but try not to move all of them down) may be very good training for the day to

Twilight Total Eclipse In The Sunlight



When you’re stimulated, you will feel comfortable or flushed. Your hard nipples get erect, the clitoris and vulva will enlarge because improved blood flow. As part of your body, the top the snatch will expand.


Check-out your insides. The outside of everybody’s vulva is a brand new continent, nevertheless the insides tend to be reasonably just like each other, so it is a great sneak peek if you have one.


If you have one, have a look at your own vadge when you look at the mirror. I understand you’re peruse this and think “OH MY Jesus I’D NEVER” and never exercise. Overcome your self. Stick
a drilling mirror
betwixt your legs to see the shit!

Understand Your Vaginal Condition, If You Have One

First circumstances 1st: men and women usually use the phase “vagina” whenever talking about the female vaginal area, which in fact isn’t proper. Suitable term to suit your additional genital region is actually “vulva.” The snatch is actually inside of you, connecting the vulva for the cervix. Discover
a fantastic article from teenage Vogue that gets to all the details about physiology

Now that you’re seated right here together with your mirror, why don’t we go over the structure of a cisgender woman’s vulva.


Your clitoris is made up of the glans/head (probably the most sensitive spend the 6,000-8,000 nerve endings), the bonnet (which drapes across glans) in addition to shaft (which can be on average 1.9 cm in total). Some clits tend to be larger than other people, and all females can orgasm from clitoral stimulation.

Labia Majora:

All of them become your “pussy lip area.” Then,
the labia minora
are the asymmetrical sensitive retracts of softy spongy erecticle muscle within the labia majora. Some labia minoras extend after dark majoras and a few are tucked away in. The length/shape of labia minora/majoras may be the beginning the place you’ll notice that
every woman’s pussy appears distinct from another’s


: Your vaginal access is below the clitoris and urethral beginning (aka in which the pee is released). Genital structure is flexible, you might have heard that babies come out of it and fists may go engrossed. A good many nerve endings have the external 3rd associated with pussy (put another way: don’t worry about having tiny arms, it is nbd).

so many different vulvas highlighted in this snatch artwork by jamie mccatney


Place a finger within pussy. Today generate a “come hither” movement to the front wall surface of your pussy. Would you think that spot with a texture unlike anything else’s structure? It really is a sponge concerning the sized a bean that fills with bloodstream during arousal, immediately facing your womb. Some ladies discover g-spot pleasure as well intense, some detest it, some like it, some can orgasm from this, plus some can female ejaculate from this.



The dull region between your pudendal cleft and anus. Some females come across this region sexually sensitive and painful. Slangily known as “the taint” ’cause it is not the genitals therefore ain’t the asshole.

Brushing for Lesbian Gender


You could do literally whatever you desire with your locks, although getting rid of it entirely
makes you vulnerable to bacterial infections
also it can end up being very itchy! Here’s
some statistics on the tresses elimination habits

Pointers if you find yourself gonna remove some hair:

  • If you have the money additionally the time, hair laser removal is the better way of getting reduce your own hair where area for long-term. It’s typically mentioned that hair laser removal works better on lighter epidermis hues, but
    luckily this is certainly altering
  • For most people, waxing will be the best/cheapest method to “tidy up” without ingrowns. Based your own skin tone and sensitiveness, waxing risk turning your skin a pleasant hue of crimson for every single day, thus schedule properly. We recommend setting it up accomplished by a professional, in case you want to DIY, Sally Hansen’s are
    cheap and simple for newbies
    and so is this package from
  • In case you are shaving, you could get mad major shaver burn which often looks like some purple lumps overall your area.
    Bikini area will help you to with this
  • Any time you shave a day or two before starting up, anybody who falls on you will feel just like they have been staying their own face into a sheet of sandpaper.


Ensure that your nails tend to be because quick as is possible and effortlessly filed. If you have extended fingernails or acrylics,
listed here is ideas on how to have sex securely without sacrificing them
. Maintaining your hands mega-extra-super-duper-clean is key. Play it extra-safe by employing some handy
exudate or nitrile gloves


You guys, your vagina smells perfect exactly the means truly! Usually do not douche or otherwise attempt to infuse your own snatch with industries of marigolds. It will have a stronger odor when you yourself haven’t showered or have actually received actually sweaty, and that’s okay. (Sidenote: the lingering scent of her on your disposal = miracle). But when your pussy smells therefore pungently fishy that your particular companion can smell it inside pants from across the place,
it’s likely you have BV
and may
get see a gynecologist

Performing The Lesbian Intercourse

To be truthful, we kinda wouldn’t like one to read through this. We want you to definitely have to find it out yourself, like we did! You guys, its very fun and you also get to be nude or half-naked with another lady! Correct?! Sex are the greatest whenever you end thinking and leave your body believe individually!

There are at least 1,000 gender ideas we can easily supply throughout your own love life, but today we’re gonna remain very






Only ’cause you are both females doesn’t mean exactly what feels very good for your requirements will feel good to the lady. You both can indicate what is functioning and what isn’t through words, noises, or actual response. Do not be ashamed to inquire of concerns or volunteer everything fancy. Its like the Hot/Cold game, but naked and a lot more slick! Saying “what can you like” is completely anything we perform. Thus is actually laughing.
We advice many laughing

Lesbian Intercourse Foreplay

There are a lot of situations taking place in the body region for of you to explore, like TITS and ears, and playing with those parts of the body is enjoyable AND a sensible way to get lubed right up before every method of direct vaginal contact does occur (if that’s what you want). Many people can orgasm from pleasure of additional parts of the body in addition to the vadge, as well. (If it’s your own or your lover’s first time getting penetrated, do not choose the
jackhammer fuck within five minutes of one’s very first tongue hug, convenience into that shit!)

Hands-on Clitoral Pleasure

This is a good place to start. Relatively self-explanatory. Once more, many people will need the hand being a vibrator and some will want to be handled with extreme delicacy. Figure out by asking!

Oral sex can be so amazing
so it almost feels like cheating. Like were lips designed to go truth be told there, or perhaps is that anything humanity figured out on its own? Per usually, err on the side of delicate. This can be “teasing” or “how she wants it,” with respect to the girl. This will also be combined with fucking/g-spot pleasure, but we are starting quick today, thus, once again, enjoy it. Occasionally when you have human anatomy image dilemmas, becoming eaten out will make you feel actually exposed. Very close the eyes, all things are okay. Also remember to
exercise safer gender with dental care dams


When in question, start slow/soft/delicate and construct to as fast/hard as she wants it. Make sure she is wet before trying entrance —
lube is a superb method to try this
. Then:

+ focus on your directory hand in only slightly, following all the way in then generate an extra finger if she desires. (Next a 3rd if she desires, etc etc) Don’t get too fast, provide the woman time and energy to react.

+ Pay attention to in which your own various other fingers tend to be! If you the index/middle hands inside their, is the thumbnail looking into the woman inner leg? Look at your shit.

+ Some females don’t want to end up being penetrated for many different explanations, such as vexation, gender identity or gender phrase,
and/or a preference for a particular sexual part
(as with “we bang you, that you do not shag myself.”) In the event that’s you and your spouse gets in this region, politely move her hand and tell the lady for which you carry out want to be moved (or that you’d instead touch the woman).


Today, sticking your own hand down her jeans and up her canal might be your first instinct, or perhaps it really is that which you’ve observed on

The L Word

, but that is singular of numerous magical steps girls bang some other women. You will discover 365 ways to essentially dried out hump (you


keep your lingerie on because of this, it can be simpler, but kindly carry out remove your top, for the reason that it’s more pleasurable). You can essentially scrub on any section of her body or wipe vadge-to-vadge basically for the rest of everything.

Visit their site here

Much More Sources For Great Lesbian Gender:

The Greater Number Of You Know

  • DO NOT TRY NOT TO compare body parts

    . Compliments are superb! But forgo the urge to incorporate an evaluation of one’s own areas on your compliment concerning her elements. ‘Your [part] is really so alot more [way to be] than mine! Waaah.’ = NO.
  • If you are dealing with non-gender-conforming people it’s better to ask before setting up what exactly is ok and what exactly isn’t. Same for dealing with gender conforming people!
  • You have got a right feeling safe and comfortable, meaning that
    is key so is
    safer intercourse
    — kindly get a check-up and confer with your companion about any STIs you or she have before leaping into bed.
  • Whether you are 16 or 36, you’re NOT “BEHIND.” Due to the patriarchy, it is going to elevates about 15 mere seconds locate information regarding the average get older from which heterosexual men and women drop their unique V-Cards (16-17), but no this type of analysis is present for lesbians as far as we are able to tell. Therefore we’ve accomplished a laid-back study of group Autostraddle, which can be an unhealthy trial populace because we’re all under 35 and certainly “out” adequate to be


    Team Autostraddle very, we imagine, probably much more sexually experienced versus ordinary lesbian bear. Despite, by get older and season of “virginity loss”:

Among our very own totally non-representative sample measurements of queer females, the common age for “our very first time” is 19.4.

Relevant Databases

Body Parts that may be erogenous OR no-fly areas:

+ ears

+ throat

+ nipples

+ inner thighs

+ feet

+ fingers

+ ass

+ tiny regarding the back

People Perform and a few Men And Women Never:

+ wish to be penetrated

+ orgasm from entrance

+ ejaculate

+ incorporate sex toys into gender

+ enjoy g-spot stimulation

+ require manual clitorial pleasure to climax

+ like clitorial pleasure AND genital entrance to orgasm

+ take pleasure in anal entrance or
butt plugs
eating ass

+ utilize

+ orgasm anyway

+ determine as

+ fantasize during sex

+ identify as either a ”
” or a ”

+ recognize as either “butch” or “femme”

+ desire to be nude during intercourse

+ wish the lights on during sex

+ want it rough

have actually an STI

+ wanna

Issues That Might Happen Your First Some Time Include Absolutely Fine:

and practically soaking your entire sleep (it isn’t urine, we guarantee) (in addition, it really is amazing)

+ Farting or queefing

+ inadvertently cutting/lacerating the vagina (
this occurs to outdated experts, as well
) (

+ maybe not orgasming

+ not

Obtaining hurt

+ Tensing right up while pentrated

+ Bleeding

+ Bleeding from hymen-breakage

+ Post-sex UTIs or yeast infections

+ using 30+ mins to orgasm

+ your own arm getting exhausted

+ Weeping

+ Chuckling

+ Emotions

+ No emotions

+ Not feeling just like the entire world altered

+ experiencing like the entire world changed

+ Feeling as if you’re on a completely new degree of closeness along with your spouse

+ maybe not appreciating it

Do not be also goal-oriented. Plenty of people you shouldn’t come the first time — people you should not arrive regularly during intercourse after all! If neither people do, there is gonna be a moment once you feel just like you are done anyway, like the experience is over, hence might feel unusual, but it is perhaps not odd, it happens. Prevent as soon as you’d stop any physically exhausting activity — as soon as you you shouldn’t feel like it any longer. Only make fun of and perhaps stay nude and hug and chat. Cuddle! Lesbians like to cuddle. Or ask her to display you how she gets herself down and vice versa — common masturbation is a great backup policy for once you both would you like to arrive but can not frequently get it this time around. Plus it’s hot to view and see what she does to herself!

the afterglow




The Lesbian Gender Bible

A lot more methods and advice for lesbian, bisexual and queer women that approaches the topic with humor and irreverence.

Susie Sexpert’s Lesbian Sex World

: The address of the book is indeed unusual and 90s, but you can download it for $2.99 from Amazon and it is — it is simply FUN. It is very sex-positive and is deserving of to be a cult classic of this lesbian book globe starting now.


The Lesbian Intercourse Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us

, by Felice Newman: The classic. Buy it, find out it, stay it, love it.


Lesbian Gender: 101 Lovemaking Positions

: I guess you never know any single thing towards Joyride, Tongue and Groove, Toast Her, Gilding the Lily, Peach Gobbler, Hanky Spanky, lady Wrap or Velvet line, carry out ya? You could change that.


Moving away from: A Female’s Help Guide To Masturbation

: From sex blogger and self pleasure specialist Jayme Waxman.


Our anatomies, Ourselves: Another Edition for a Age

: call your own womynhood.


The New Lesbian Sex Book, 3rd Edition

: Interviews with REAL LIVE LESBIANS regarding their gender resides, gets the impact of reminding you that there is a lot of lesbians available sex and it’s not merely both you and your partner(s) within teeny small community by the sea.


Healing Intercourse: A Mind-Body Way Of Healing Sexual Shock

: “The most important motivating, sex-positive guide for many females survivors of intimate attack — heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian, paired, and solitary — who want to reclaim their unique gender everyday lives.”

Web Sites:


Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

“Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross are two intergenerational intercourse good feminists whoever dialogue on sex and feminism entertains and educates while delving in to the Politics of females’s Sexuality.” Includes
a library of “how-to” films
many different intimate acts, such as “first-time lesbian sex.”


The-Clitoris Dot Com

“all you actually planned to {know about|learn about|find out about|un